"more and more - in our algorithm “content”-driven world, where eccentric films are lost in the maw of streaming platforms, of ironed-out narratives, complacent styles, of not-rocking-the-boat, of fear-of-social-media-backlash for “inappropriate-ness”, the complete disconnect from sex … I gravitate towards the messy. I am a mess. I like challenging work. I like talented people who TRY things."
YES! I do love some movies which are very classic in their structure, etc, but my very favourite are not masterpieces, but very much their own thing, their own mood, and usually at least a little bit rude. I have never been able to find a copy of a movie I saw in theatres ages ago, Toto Who Lived Twice - the audience was BAFFLED, and it was in a very artsy little theatre, and I was laughing my head off. I felt like I was the only one "getting" it. I'd be almost scared of re-watching (now that I'm sober lol) -- what if I'm disappointed? But at least I remember it because it was going for something, it was its own weird thing.
Not sure if I'm emotionally ready for Christmas Eve in Miller’s Point but I enjoyed thinking about what you describe.
oh that's lovely, Sheila, and thanks for the long quotation from "The Dead," one of my most favorite things in literature. snow falling softly and softly falling. re Wordsworth, I may agree with him if what he meant is that in the chaos of the present it's not possible to order language or organize narrative. as I said in an FB comment on one of your posts recently when I recalled the chaos of a medical emergency and thinking as I struggled to make sense of it as it was happening that I must let it go, I could find the story later, there is no story in the midst of chaos except what we can see later, retrospectively, when there is room to breathe and think.
I have also find that if I construct a narrative almost immediately it has a tendency to stick and I also get things wrong constantly in my immediate-narrative-construction. This happened with my date/sexual assault 9 years ago. I interpreted it totally wrong and I am still trying to undo the damage. so many examples of this. If I had just waited to interpret it later I would have had a clearer head. I think, though, Christmas at Miller's Point is showing this aspect of memory as well. Maybe young Emily will remember this differently, maybe she will have regrets about her interpretation of everything. When you're a teenager you definitely get so many things "wrong", and those interpretations stick like glue.
yes, this is my argument against the entire concept of hot takes—they are almost guaranteed to be comically off the mark, and since they get out so fast they get a ton of views and people incorporate them into their story of what happened. fwiw, after last week's election the predictable deluge of miserable hot takes erupted, but within a few days people I respect were pointing out the bankruptcy of said views and cautioning to wait till we have more information to understand an incredibly complex event. but no doubt too late to prevent millions from encoding the bad takes.
memory is always a work in progress. some stuff gets stuck and we can't seem to edit it out even when contrary evidence presents itself, and other stuff changes underground, we're not even aware it has until we recall the memory and realize it has changed. Lawrence Wright's book Remembering Satan, about people accused of satanic ritual abuse who started by recalling no such things but under repeated interrogations and praying for guidance eventually constructed stories in which they had done the impossible things they were accused of. memory is always an act of creation.
I have recently had an amazing experience with this. some trauma therapy focuses on revisiting bad experiences and bringing them new information that allows a path out of that hideous dead end. I had with amazement found triggering memories transformed this way, by offering my brain a new neural pathway. this one at first glance seemed anything but traumatic but had instantly gelled for me who I was, how the world saw me, and a terrible knowledge of being unredeemable and unlovable: the trauma was my reaction, not the event (Gabor Maté defines trauma this way, as what happens in us rather than the external event, and also as "the absence of self," which totally tracks for me). incredibly, my 93-year-old mom remembered it (she doesn't remember so many that seem obviously important), and she was an actual witness that it wasn't as I remembered it. in some ways my life was built on that error in interpretation from when I was maybe 4. after this revelation, I keep going back to that scene and telling that little kid it was all a mistake, she's okay. and my brain seems to be responding. the omnipresent "truth," the meaning I had assigned it, is melting and I am free of a deep conviction that has caused incredible suffering. the brain's plasticity is sort of a miracle.
I like that perspective!! Lee Strasberg's whole thing about not using your own life in sense memory exercises unless they are 7 years in the past also applies. if you try to use your cat that died yesterday as preparation for a scene then ... that will dry up immediately. wait 7 years. I was never a sense memory person - and believe me I tried - but I think there's a lot of wisdom in his suggestion.
Sheila dear, your writing dazzles me. Love, The Real Aunt Kate
This is so beautiful. Bless you.
thank you!! loved this film so much!
"more and more - in our algorithm “content”-driven world, where eccentric films are lost in the maw of streaming platforms, of ironed-out narratives, complacent styles, of not-rocking-the-boat, of fear-of-social-media-backlash for “inappropriate-ness”, the complete disconnect from sex … I gravitate towards the messy. I am a mess. I like challenging work. I like talented people who TRY things."
YES! I do love some movies which are very classic in their structure, etc, but my very favourite are not masterpieces, but very much their own thing, their own mood, and usually at least a little bit rude. I have never been able to find a copy of a movie I saw in theatres ages ago, Toto Who Lived Twice - the audience was BAFFLED, and it was in a very artsy little theatre, and I was laughing my head off. I felt like I was the only one "getting" it. I'd be almost scared of re-watching (now that I'm sober lol) -- what if I'm disappointed? But at least I remember it because it was going for something, it was its own weird thing.
Not sure if I'm emotionally ready for Christmas Eve in Miller’s Point but I enjoyed thinking about what you describe.
oh that's lovely, Sheila, and thanks for the long quotation from "The Dead," one of my most favorite things in literature. snow falling softly and softly falling. re Wordsworth, I may agree with him if what he meant is that in the chaos of the present it's not possible to order language or organize narrative. as I said in an FB comment on one of your posts recently when I recalled the chaos of a medical emergency and thinking as I struggled to make sense of it as it was happening that I must let it go, I could find the story later, there is no story in the midst of chaos except what we can see later, retrospectively, when there is room to breathe and think.
I have also find that if I construct a narrative almost immediately it has a tendency to stick and I also get things wrong constantly in my immediate-narrative-construction. This happened with my date/sexual assault 9 years ago. I interpreted it totally wrong and I am still trying to undo the damage. so many examples of this. If I had just waited to interpret it later I would have had a clearer head. I think, though, Christmas at Miller's Point is showing this aspect of memory as well. Maybe young Emily will remember this differently, maybe she will have regrets about her interpretation of everything. When you're a teenager you definitely get so many things "wrong", and those interpretations stick like glue.
yes, this is my argument against the entire concept of hot takes—they are almost guaranteed to be comically off the mark, and since they get out so fast they get a ton of views and people incorporate them into their story of what happened. fwiw, after last week's election the predictable deluge of miserable hot takes erupted, but within a few days people I respect were pointing out the bankruptcy of said views and cautioning to wait till we have more information to understand an incredibly complex event. but no doubt too late to prevent millions from encoding the bad takes.
memory is always a work in progress. some stuff gets stuck and we can't seem to edit it out even when contrary evidence presents itself, and other stuff changes underground, we're not even aware it has until we recall the memory and realize it has changed. Lawrence Wright's book Remembering Satan, about people accused of satanic ritual abuse who started by recalling no such things but under repeated interrogations and praying for guidance eventually constructed stories in which they had done the impossible things they were accused of. memory is always an act of creation.
I have recently had an amazing experience with this. some trauma therapy focuses on revisiting bad experiences and bringing them new information that allows a path out of that hideous dead end. I had with amazement found triggering memories transformed this way, by offering my brain a new neural pathway. this one at first glance seemed anything but traumatic but had instantly gelled for me who I was, how the world saw me, and a terrible knowledge of being unredeemable and unlovable: the trauma was my reaction, not the event (Gabor Maté defines trauma this way, as what happens in us rather than the external event, and also as "the absence of self," which totally tracks for me). incredibly, my 93-year-old mom remembered it (she doesn't remember so many that seem obviously important), and she was an actual witness that it wasn't as I remembered it. in some ways my life was built on that error in interpretation from when I was maybe 4. after this revelation, I keep going back to that scene and telling that little kid it was all a mistake, she's okay. and my brain seems to be responding. the omnipresent "truth," the meaning I had assigned it, is melting and I am free of a deep conviction that has caused incredible suffering. the brain's plasticity is sort of a miracle.
pls forgive the long comment.
I like that perspective!! Lee Strasberg's whole thing about not using your own life in sense memory exercises unless they are 7 years in the past also applies. if you try to use your cat that died yesterday as preparation for a scene then ... that will dry up immediately. wait 7 years. I was never a sense memory person - and believe me I tried - but I think there's a lot of wisdom in his suggestion.