2023 in incomplete review

A roundup

2023 was a year of anniversaries. In 2013, after a prolonged crackup in the fall/winter of 2012, plus a hallucinatory (and great) solo trip to Memphis, I finally got diagnosed bipolar. I say finally because “they” think I “had it” since I was 12, an annus horribilis if ever there was one. Nothing would have been possible without the diagnosis. Things weren’t just bad. They were scary. Mania was productive: I wrote 30,000-40,000 words on Elvis in 2011-2012 alone. But I couldn’t have gone on for much longer. In 2013, I also started writing for Rogerebert.com, making 2023 the ten-year anniversary for two major life events.

At the start of 2023, I made the conscious decision to commemorate these anniversaries. In January, I took another solo trip to Memphis, staying in the same hotel I stayed in 2013. It was amazing. It poured rain for a couple of days, and there was a crazy snow storm, so I spent a couple of days in the hotel, emerging only for short walks and food. It was luxuriously empty and quiet. I just walked around. I went to Graceland, mainly to visit Elvis’ cars. On a rainy afternoon, I went to Beale Street - which was sparsely populated - holed up in a blues club to stay out of the rain, listened to music, had a beer, and read a novel by Chester Himes.

I went back to all the spots I visited in 2012. I allowed myself to feel how far I have come. I miss my mania sometimes but I don’t miss the other.

I also went to Ebertfest. Covid interrupted my participation with Ebertfest, so it’s been a couple of years since I attended the festival. This, too, was a ten-year anniversary. I went to Ebertfest in 2013, right after I got the diagnosis. 2013 was a year filled with jagged fears and radical change, my moods wildly buckling up and down for months, so much so it took an entire care team to help me stabilize. I was still buckling up and down when I went to Ebertfest, which took place just a month after Roger died. Mum came with me. I felt I couldn’t face all these new experiences alone. At first I was stressed out, since I had some responsibilities at the festival: participating in panels, meeting new colleagues, etc. I was stressed out about leaving Mum in a place where she knew absolutely no one. At one point, in the crowded theatre lobby, I lost Mum, and looked around wildly. I didn’t want her to be lost by herself in a sea of strangers. Then I caught sight of her, standing by the concession counter, chatting with Haskell Wexler. Yeah. She was fine.

This year, Mitchell came with me to Ebertfest. I realized how much I had missed seeing all the Ebertfest people once a year: patrons, staff, fellow critics. It was beautiful re-joining that community, having breakfast with editors Brian, Nick and Matt, Mitchell fitting right in. Again, Ebertfest had multiple layers of symbolic resonance for me: noticing the passage of time, and really feeling what time can do. In 2013, I was a nervous wreck. In 2023, going to Ebertfest was like coming home. Getting diagnosed made having an actual life possible.

In 2023, I also started this Substack. I’ve been feeling stagnant in my writing, in general. I want to do more. I want to write long-form pieces on subjects that interest me. I want to stretch and grow and go out on a limb. But then I look at all I’ve written this year and I realize “Wow, okay, I did a lot this year”, even though it feels like pure chaos when I’m in the thick of it. I think of Doris Lessing’s comment: “Whatever you’re meant to do, do it now. The conditions are always impossible.”

I’ll share some of the more off-the-beaten-path things I’ve written, on my site and others, as well as some more high-profile things.

Kay Francis

When I die, I want to be cremated so that no sign of my existence is left on this earth. I can’t wait to be forgotten.
— from Kay Francis’s private diaries, c. 1938

I wrote about this intriguing actress on my site.

Dubravka Ugrešić

I feel like I am smuggling neglected Central and East European literary values into World literature.
— Dubravka Ugrešić

Ugrešić died this year and it is a great loss. I’ve read her novels and essays, soaking up her unique dissident writer-in-exile perspective. I wrote about her when she died.

Janis Martin

I wrote ‘Drugstore Rock ‘n’ Roll’ in about 10 minutes.
— Janis Martin

I had so much fun digging into the forgotten career of rockabilly singer Janis Martin, whose short career derailed when she got pregnant. Billed as “the female Elvis”, somewhat unfairly (although an understandable marketing ploy), Martin was no gimmick. Her first single - which she wrote - sold 750,000 copies. That’s almost Elvis-level numbers. She should be remembered. So I did my best.

Ten Years

My 2012 crackup detailed. Commemorating the ten year anniversary.

Kenneth Anger

Well, this was a mixed legacy. I wrote about it.

Tina Turner

I wrote about how lucky I feel to have come of age in a moment where a 45-50 year-old woman was the biggest star in the world.

Alan Arkin

Alan Arkin’s passing led me down a memory lane to when I had an insanely strong reaction to him at age 11, 12, after catching The Russians are Coming, the Russians are Coming on television. Sometimes an actor dies, and a career retrospective is not what I feel like writing. The distance isn’t there. Instead, I want to imagine my way back to childhood, when my personality and tastes were being formed. Arkin was almost a tomboy avatar to me, which is a little difficult to explain but … I tried.

Sinéad O’Connor

As long as the house of The Holy Spirit remains a haven for criminals the reputation of the church will remain in ruins.” —
— Sinéad O’Connor

I couldn’t really speak when she passed - I still can’t really speak of it - but I did my best.

Dariush Mehrjui

The murder of this cinematic master and his wife is a travesty. I wrote about my journey with his films, while still in a state of shock and outrage.

Ebert Reviews

Just a smattering of review I wrote in 2023:

Review of Saint Omer
Review of The Quiet Girl
Review of Eight Mountains
Review of It Ain’t Over
Review of Enys Men
Review of birth/rebirth
Interview with Dan Callahan on his new book, Bing and Billie and Frank and Ella and Judy and Barbra
Review of Wingwomen
Review of Eileen
For Ebert’s 10 Best Films of 2023, I wrote about Raven Jackson’s All Dirt Roads Taste of Salt
For Ebert’s The Great Performances of 2023, I wrote about Rosy McEwen in Blue Jean

Criterion Collection

I had a blast writing the booklet essay for Criterion’s release of After Hours, which led to a 45-minute phone conversation with Martin Scorsese, an experience I will never forget.

Writing about Elvis in Hollywood for Criterion felt like a blissful culmination of all the work I’ve done breaking down this man’s career and accomplishments.

Podcasts

I appeared as a guest on a couple of excellent podcasts, where the conversations were focused and free-range, talking with interesting people about interesting things. I appeared on Jen Johans’ fabulous podcast Watch With Jen, where we discussed 5 Elvis movies (not the usual suspects). I had so much fun appearing on Jason Bailey and Mike Hull’s podcast A Very Good Year, where we discussed movies in 1953! I was a guest on Ryan Czerwonko' and David Garelik’s podcast Adult Film, where we talked about acting, process, the Actors Studio, Gena Rowlands, Bette Davis … we could have gone all night.

I’ll close this out with a poem by the great Louise Glück, who died in October 2023. It’s a masterpiece.

Hawk’s Shadow

Embracing in the road
for some reason I no longer remember
and then drawing apart, seeing
a shape ahead–-how close was it?
We looked up to where the hawk
hovered with its kill; I watched them
veering toward West Hill, casting
their one shadow in the dirt, the all-inclusive
shape of the predator–
Then they disappeared. And I thought,
one shadow. Like the one we made,
you holding me.